


I get scared when you're scared (but what else can I do)

by damnedifyoudo



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, but it's all good at the end I promise, like most of this is just Eddie and Buck crying, there's also a lot of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 01:31:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21437983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damnedifyoudo/pseuds/damnedifyoudo
Summary: 3x08 CodaEddie finally talks to Buck about what's been going on after some encouragement from his abuela. Lots of tears ensue.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 11
Kudos: 208





	I get scared when you're scared (but what else can I do)

**Author's Note:**

> I really have no idea what this is.
> 
> I have so many prompts to write but then all of a sudden this idea attacked me and I had to write it. 
> 
> Enjoy this accidental coda to 3x08. 
> 
> (yes the title is from another Jonas Brothers song, I'm not sorry)

Eddie walked in his door and tossed his keys on the coffee table. He was exhausted and feeling shittier and shittier by the minute. After talking to Bobby, he had decided to come clean to his abuela about his late-night activities and suffice to say, she wasn’t thrilled.

“_¿Nieto, como pudiste ser tan estupido? ¿Qué hay de tu hijo? ¿Qué hay de tu Buck?_

_Eddie was a little shocked at his abuela referring to Buck as “his,” but ignored it and went on._

_“I wasn’t enough, abuela!” Eddie shouted, tears once again coming to his eyes. “I wasn’t enough for Shannon and no soy suficiente para Buck. He left just like she did!” He sat down, putting his head in his hands as tears now steadily streamed down his face._

_Isabel’s face softened as she sat down next to Eddie and wrapped her arms around him lovingly. “Edmundo, mirame.”_

_He sniffled, but did as she asked, looking at her with red, puffy eyes. “From what I know of Buck, that boy would hang the moon for you. I know you are having a hard time right now, pero eres suficiente. For me, for Christopher, and for Buck too. We love you, nieto, and I know it feels like he left, but he dropped the lawsuit, no?”_

_Eddie nodded, sniffling again. _

_Isabel put her hands on either side of his face. “Do you know he called me the other day? He noticed something was wrong and wanted to know if you had talked to me about it. He’s worried about you querido.”_

_Eddie looked his abuela in the eyes. “¿Te llamó?_

_“Sí, él llama a menudo, to ask about you and Christopher,” she responded, squeezing his cheeks before continuing. “He loves you and Christopher so much, Edmundo. The affection and love in that boy’s voice es increíble.” _

_Eddie just looked at her for a moment before a sob escaped him and he collapsed into her chest. She shushed him soothingly and lightly patted his head, attempting to calm him down. “Nieto, ¿qué es?” she asked worriedly. _

_“Después de todo lo que he hecho, ¿él me ama? How could he?” _

_“Edmundo, por favor, you have to stop this. You were in pain and could not talk to him, so you did whatever you could to take that pain away. It was reckless, yes, pero nadie te quiere menos.” She gently rocked Eddie as he continued to cry. “You need to talk to him, nieto. Why don’t you bring Christopher here later so you can do that? Odio verte con tanto dolor y hablar con él ayudará.” _

And that’s exactly what he had done. He had gone home and relieved Carla before packing an overnight bag for Christopher and bringing him right back to his abuela’s house.

_“Tell him what you’ve been feeling, Edmundo. Nothing will get better if you don’t,” _his abuela had said before kissing him on the cheek and closing the door, the sound of Christopher’s laughter ringing in his ears.

He had called Buck on the way to his place. His abuela was right, he really did need to talk to Buck about everything that had been going on. Now that Bobby knew, it was only a matter of time before it spread around the firehouse and he really wanted to be the one to tell Buck.

Buck had sounded a little confused on the phone at Eddie’s urgency over the phone, but nevertheless said he’d be right over.

Eddie thought he’d have more time to prepare his speech in his head, but of course as soon as he walked into the kitchen, he heard a car door slam. Eddie took a deep breath before walking back to the front door and opening it. Buck was right there, hand up and ready to knock on the door.

“Oh, hey man,” Buck said, smiling nervously.

Eddie said nothing as he opened the door further to let Buck in.

Buck furrowed his brows but walked in and sat over on the couch, waiting for his best friend to explain the urgency when he called him.

“Eddie?” he questioned after Eddie had come and stood in front of the couch, albeit saying nothing for several seconds.

Eddie took another breath. “I’m assuming you know I talked to Bobby today?”

Buck frowned. “Yeah, why? Is this about what’s been going on with you?”

Eddie nodded, steeling himself before answering, as he knew his best friend would not be happy with him. “Yeah, it’s, uh…”

He paused and looked at Buck, who was in turn looking at him expectantly.

“I’ve been street fighting. At first it was just to let off some steam. I was just so angry at the world. But then I started to like the control it gave me. The events of the past few months have been completely out of my control. Shannon came back, told me she wanted a divorce, and then died. She left me and Christopher again and I felt so hopeless. Then you got hurt and when you finally came back you almost died again,” Eddie started crying, not being able to hold in his emotions.

“I was so scared. But then you and Christopher got stuck in that fucking tsunami and when I got him back and looked over at you and saw the relief in your face, I was hit with the realization that I love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts. But then you went and filed that stupid lawsuit and Christopher needed you, _I needed you_, and I couldn’t talk to you. I needed something to take out my anger and so Lena brought me to –“

He was cut off by a choked sob from Buck, who apparently had started crying as well.

“Buck?” He questioned, wiping tears from his own face.

“Goddammit, Eddie,” he said softly. “Why didn’t you talk to me? How could you let me put you through so much pain?”

Eddie’s heart shattered. This was supposed to be his apology, Buck had just cut him off before he got to the “I’m sorry” part. He approached Buck and dropped to his knees in front of him, placing his hands on Buck’s knees. “Cariño, no,” Eddie said. “We were both being idiots. I’m trying to apologize for not talking to you. For letting my fighting get too far. I almost killed someone and for what? I was angry at you, yes, but it took talking to Hen and my abuela for me to realize just how much this job means to you and that you weren’t trying to hurt us.”

“You apologized and I kept pushing you away. I’m so sorry, Buck. Please forgive me for being an ass,” Eddie finished, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

Buck looked up at him then, eyes red and brimming with tears of his own. “God, Eddie, I’m so sorry-“

“Stop apologizing, you’ve done enough of that,” Eddie cut him off.

Buck sniffled. “Your abuela called right before you did and told me what you said. That you don’t think you’re enough for me or for Christopher. And maybe you’ve forgiven me for the lawsuit but after hearing that, I can’t forgive myself right now for making you feel that way. Because guess what? After the tsunami when you brought Christopher to my place and told me you still trusted me, that’s when I realized that _I love you _with every part of me. I’ve never loved any one more than I love you. You’re the most important person in the world to me and I went and fucked it up,” Buck sobbed again and dropped his head into his hands.

More tears streamed out of Eddie’s eyes as he realized what Buck had just said. Here he was thinking that he wasn’t worthy of Buck’s love, but Buck was thinking just the opposite. That he has fucked everything up and wasn’t worthy of Eddie’s. Boy was he wrong.

“Evan, look at me,” Eddie said softly, removing Buck’s hands from his face and forcing him to look up.

“Did you not hear what I just said? You didn’t fuck everything up. It was tough for a while, but you did not fuck everything up. There is absolutely nothing in this world you could do to make me stop loving you. You mean so much to me and Christopher and I’m sorry I didn’t say something earlier. Maybe it would have saved us some trouble,” Eddie laughed wetly.

A hair of a smile appeared on Buck’s face before he surged forward and placed a desperate kiss to Eddie’s lips. Just as quickly, he pulled back.

“Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, was that okay?” Buck asked nervously.

Eddie smiled and wiped some of the tears from Buck’s cheeks before kissing Buck softly. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against Buck’s. “More than okay, mi amor.”

Buck smiled before sliding himself off the couch and enveloping Eddie in a bone-crushing hug. Eddie squeezed back just as tight, neither wanting to let go in fear of losing the other.

Eddie tried to pull away after a minute, but Buck just squeezed him tighter. “Nope, never letting you go,” Buck mumbled into his shoulder.

“Can we at least move somewhere more comfortable then? My knees are starting to hurt,” Eddie chuckled.

“I guess,” Buck replied. He loosened his grip a little to allow himself and Eddie to stand up, but they were barely standing up before Buck grabbed Eddie by the waist and hoisted him up so he could wrap his legs around Buck’s middle.

“Buck?” Eddie questioned, placing his hands on Buck’s face.

“Said I wasn’t letting go, didn’t I?” Buck said before walking towards Eddie’s bedroom.

Eddie rolled his eyes affectionately but went along with it. Once inside Eddie’s bedroom, Buck placed Eddie gently on the bed and kept a hand on him while he took off his own shoes and then Eddie’s. He then pushed Eddie back gently, and Eddie got the hint. Once they got settled under the covers, Buck’s arms once again wrapped around his middle, bringing his chest flush to Eddie’s back.

“I can’t believe I could have lost you,” Buck said quietly into Eddie’s ear.

“And _I _could have lost _you_. Multiple times,” Eddie replied, covering Buck’s hands with his own.

“I’m not going anywhere, Edmundo Diaz. You’re more than enough for me and I love you,” Buck declared, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Eddie’s neck.

“I love you too, Evan Buckley. Don’t ever forget that cariño,” Eddie smiled even though Buck couldn’t see it and lightly traced Buck’s knuckles with his fingers.

He could feel Buck’s smile on the back of his neck. “I’m your sweetheart, huh?”

“Yes, you are, so get used to it,” Eddie said, bringing Buck’s hand up so he could kiss it lightly.

“Okay, baby. Let me know if I’m squeezing you too tight,” Buck murmured before cuddling into Eddie even further.

Eddie just responded by placing his arms over Buck’s and squeezing lightly. They would need to talk more in the morning, but he was glad his feelings were all out in the open now. He was still feeling inadequate and stupid but knowing that Buck thought the world of him helped. They might have a little ways to heal yet, but they were going to be okay.

Buck loved him and he loved Buck just as much. And for right now, that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Spanish translations (courtesy of Google translate so apologies if they're bungled):
> 
> Nieto, como pudiste ser tan estupido? ¿Qué hay de tu hijo? ¿Qué hay de tu Buck? - grandson how could you be so stupid? what about your son? what about your Buck?
> 
> no soy suficiente para Buck - I'm not enough for Buck.
> 
> Edmundo, mirame - Edmundo, look at me.
> 
> pero eres suficiente - but you are enough
> 
> ¿Te llamó? - he called you? 
> 
> Sí, él llama a menudo - yes, he calls often
> 
> ¿qué es? - what is it?
> 
> Después de todo lo que he hecho, ¿él me ama? - after all that I've done, he loves me?
> 
> pero nadie te quiere menos - but no one loves you any less
> 
> Odio verte con tanto dolor y hablar con él ayudará - I hate to see you in pain and talking to him will help
> 
> Follow me on tumblr! @eddiediaz-buckley


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